Afraid of Lonely

Monophobia is the fear of being alone.  When going through a breakup, one of my friends posted this video on my facebook.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

It’s a video all about being comfortable with being alone. It inspired my very simple goal to take myself to the movies alone… I’m a very social person and I have never really liked being by myself. I find comfort in conversation and the harmonious ping of my text message tone. It could be my inner attention-whoriness fueled by a lack of personal confidence, but no matter how you psychoanalyze it, I really have never liked being alone. I mean, think about it. Does anyone really? We are all socially designed and conditioned to search for something that keeps us from feeling lonely. We are afraid of lonely. The fear of being lonely has infiltrated our thoughts until we get to the pathetic point of stalking our news feeds at weird hours because that little bit of contact is better than no contact at all.

I dated a guy once who was REALLY insecure. But the way he compensated was by always surrounding himself with people. He was always with friends or hanging out at friendly… dating him made me question: Do I really want to be the type of person who has to rely on other people to entertain my loneliness, because I don’t know how to cope?

The answer is no. I don’t. I want to stop having to text my best friend for advice I really don’t need. I don’t want to become hooked on constant communication with the outside world. I don’t want to be so lost in this need for people that I lose sight in myself. I don’t want to rush into one heartbreaking relationship after the other when the only thing we have in common is that neither one of us wants to be alone.

 I don’t want to be afraid of lonely.

Dwell on it, my curious companions 

Blahbitty Blah Blog

The word “blog” is a derivative of the word “weblog” (which is a compound of web-log; not “we blog”.) The author of a blog is the blogger and the act of physically writing on the blog is called blogging. I must admit I really didn’t know if I was ready to embark through the mysteriously hip façade of the blogger’s world. My technological skill is somewhere in between “classic newb” and “piece of grass” and my writing grade shows that I’m still trying to grasp that opener-three body paragraphs-closer formatting concept we learned in 2^nd grade. I’m most definitely not ready to learn how to format an ever-underestimated blog post. Am I supposed to speak in deep metaphors and mystical haikus? Although poetry IS calming, having to pause with every syllable to clap out loud to the 5-7-5 template takes way more time than I’m willing to invest.

My mom is one of those positive-negative universal energy people. If I told her that I really wanted to write but I didn’t think I was committed enough to keep a blog she would tell me “My god, Riley. If you had an open mind and took things on with a challenge they wouldn’t be hard. Writing is only hard when you are a big lazy bum.” But the hypothetical encouragement from my wise guru of everything written has a very sarcastic and vague tone. Maybe because it was concocted in my head; which is currently full of sarcastic and vague tones.

My friend Justin encourages me to write with all of my feelings. He says that writing what I feel will take out some of my creative and emotionally frustration.

Banging my head repeatedly against the keyboard creates ineligible jibberish. And I’m most certain that is NOT proper blog format.

Dwell on it, my curious individuals. 

Also, participate in the poll below by answering the question “who/what inspires you to write?”

Death of my Desire

There is a god-awful song on my IPod called “death of my Desire” by White Town. For those of you who haven’t had the great pleasure of ever hearing or hearing about White Town, don’t worry. It has no effect on your experience in reading this post what-so-ever.

But if you are one of those weird auditory learners or just very interested in my weird techno-hip taste in music or whatever; here’s the YouTube link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97tEw8PpM54

Want a better song to read to? This one is better. I promise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV3DOf1CS74

Out of New Years inspiration and a constant growing impatience of my bodily self-consciousness, my mom has put us both on the notorious South Beach Diet.  The first two weeks have a harsh guideline of what can and cannot be eaten. NO breads, rice, cereal, fruit, candy, Nutella, pasta, potatoes, or pudding; which changed my “buddy the elf” diet to a more refined “starved rabbit” diet.  The South Beach Diet book talks about how cutting these foods strictly for two weeks will turn off your internal switch that craves these foods.

Classic example of a death of my desire. I see it as kind of a bitter sweet thing, really. Visually you could possibly compare it to blowing out one of those cheap wax birthday candles. After it is blown out, it is still relight-able but with its wax melted away the overall attraction to the candle isn’t the way you saw it before.

de·sire

–verb (used with object)

1.    To wish or long for; crave; want.

–noun

3. A longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment: a desire for 

Fame.

Death

–noun

4.  Extinction; destruction: It will mean the death of our hopes.

Dwell on it, my intelligent fellows. 

It’s a boring bandwagoner’s blog of great things

I once saw an episode of House that featured a girl who had severe medical problems and was addicted to blogging about it. Throughout the entire show she had her face glued to her laptop screen, finding comfort in the “post” button and therapy in the comment box. Turning to people she didn’t know from across the world for advice on her life. I didn’t ever see the end of the episode, But I promise that won’t change anything here because this is NOT one if those blogs.

Now, granted, my blogging experience is limited. I think I started a “jewelry blog” when I was younger. (If you ever have time go to it. Rileysjewelry.wordpress.com …It’s awful.) And my mom has a rather impressive blog (achicksview.com …it’s not awful) which inspired me to create this little shindig, and hence this wonderful title. She is a writer. It’s a great thing, really. My life is full of great things.

That is what this blog is about.

It’s a boring bandwagoner’s blog of great things.

Who knew the peer pressure of putting things about your life no one cares about onto the internet could be so fun?!

~Riley